Friday, January 7, 2011

Hurt By the One You Love~



Hurt By the One You Love.
In the simplest terms, emotional abuse is defined as behaviour and language designed to degrade or humiliate individuals by attacking their self-value or personality. While a normal couple may disagree about how to spend money, for example, an emotinal abuser will make his partner or spouse feel as tough she’s too stupid to understand the intricasies of finances. It can range from verbal abuse – yelling, blaming, shaming and name calling – to isolation, intimidation and threats. Such behaviours make victims feel alone and unimportant. Although there are few firm statistic on emotional abuse’s prevalence among couples, expert say as many as two-thirds experience it, one-third of them chronically. It effects can be devastating: Depression, anxiety and destroyed self –esteem. It’s very erosive, wether it’s overt or covert, the abuse negates a woman’s very being.  

Finding The Escape Hatch.
Breaking up with an emotionally abusive partner or spouse is no easy task. These relationships can be like a physical addiction; when romantic love mixes with fear, the result is powerful and dangerous. Our bodies secrete chemicals when we engage ourselves in physical contact, and some – such as the neutrotransmitter dopamine – create pleasant sensations that we crave. We repeat the behaviour that makes our dopamine levels spike, so women who associate love with fear can be vulnerable to choosing men who will hurt them. Emotionally, abused woman also become used to the behaviour, and even if they don’t like it, they may not feel like they have the psychological or social or social resources to sever the toxic bonds. In trying to please abusive men, they’ve mad so many adjustments and accommodations that no sense of self is left. This is how some abusive men manage to coerce their partners into crimes. 

Breaking up...
Experts say that the shattered confidence  can also make it difficult to leave, even if the woman is miserable. Guilt can also make it harder to break things off. If a woman didn’t see or ignored the early warning signs and instead formed a deep bond with her partner, she’s going to feel guilt and shame about leaving. So, the important step is to recognise the abuse and our own limits in stopping it. The hope that their abusive partners will change is what keeps many women hanging on but, it’s often a futile dream. Individual therapy for abusers also tends not to help because therapists may identify with their patients ant not to be able to recognise the abuse.And couples therapy isn’t the solution if one partner is abusive, it can actually make things worse. 

SOURCE : Nature and Health. 
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