What Is Friendship?
What It Really Means to Be a Friend
When it comes to finding
friends, perhaps the first step is understanding what exactly friendship is.
Does it mean you have each other in your Facebook list? Or that you see each
other every Tuesday when you play racquetball? Not really. A relationship needs
to have some key elements in order to be labeled as friendship.
A Personal Relationship That Is Reciprocated
It's not enough to see a
person at, say, book group each week and enjoy their company.
In order for a friend to truly
be considered a friend, he or she has to also believe you are their friend
also.
This can get tricky, because
most people have a different idea of what friendship really means. Some people
are instantly trusting of new people, and accept them into their heart without
question. For these types of folks, they assume someone is their friend until
they find out otherwise.
The Difference Between Being Friends and Acting Friendly
Other people, however, might
act "friendly" with someone but not consider them a friend for quite
a while. Perhaps these types of people need to get know someone better before
they even consider labeling them as a friend. Or perhaps they already have a
lot of friends and therefore wouldn't consider someone they occasionally at
social events a friend.
It's a not perfect world, but in terms of friendship, someone who is
genuinely a friend usually:
Has told you that you are a
friend or has introduced you as their friend.
Has called or emailed you
about meeting for coffee, lunch, etc.
Has done something nice for
you.
Is sincerely interested when you
talk about your life.
Roots for you and wants the
best for you.
Is willing to hang out with
you outside of the place you first met (work, social gathering, exercise
class).
Friends Are Kind and Act As a Positive Influence in Your Life
It should go without saying
that real friends make you feel good, as opposed to bring you down. People who
are genuinely your friend put your relationship above being right or trying to
feel superior. If someone constantly puts you down, he or she is not a real
friend.
However, people have bad days
and act imperfect, so there are times when a true friend will be negative or
hurt your feelings. The way to determine if they are really a friend (as
opposed to something more negative like a frenemy) is to look at the whole of
your relationship. Don't look at moments alone, but consider:
How does this person make you
feel when you're with them?
Do you look forward to seeing
them?
Can you share your joy freely?
Or do you feel you need keep quiet about your own good news when you're around
them?
If someone is really your
friend, they act in a kind manner. They do nice things for you. (If they ask
you to do things for them without ever reciprocating, chances are they aren't
really a friend.)
Friends don't keep score, but
there is a balance to the relationship. Sometimes one friend might be in the
"spotlight," while the other is cheering them on. Friends should
trade off in giving each other the "floor" in a conversation and in
life, and should understand when the moment is their friends and not theirs.
Friends Are People You See on a Regular Basis
The other key component to
friendship is a real, face-to-face, relationship. This isn't to say that after
you have established a friendship, you can't still be friends with them once
they move away. However, in order to have a real friendship, you have to spend
time with each other.
While online friendships can
serve a place in your life, they aren't the same as a real friendship. To that
end, the term "friendship" does get applied to many situations today,
from loyal customers to people you don't even know and will never meet. But
that doesn't mean these people are truly your friends.
If you need to qualify the
definition of a friend in your life (my work friend, my Facebook friend), then
chances are it isn't a real friendship, but is instead a different type of
relationship.
Source: Cherie Burbach http://friendship.about.com/od/Types_of_Friendships/a/What-Is-Friendship.htm
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